Cubans Economicus Comes in to the World

A long long time ago a very confused young man entered in to the world. Imagining himself put here to pursue some similar course of adventures of previous heroic figures of history his only question was what should he be called. Born in Hackney and quickly realising there were few heroic figures from this neighbourhood he came upon the idea of being Greek. A British passport, English birth certificate, speaking English, to be Oxford educated, living nowhere near Liverpool, a dislike for chicken and many more attributes of being English to him all contributed to a powerful justification to be Greek. Realising Greece is not an island and having been born on an island he faced further confusion. Maybe he could be Greek but a Cypriot hero to boot. As he mulled over the possibilities while drawing on a Cohiba in his cot his friends christened him Cubans.

So he became Cubans Economicus to wander the world confused about identity, learning Greek, singing to remote olive trees in barren parts of Cyprus and settling down in the well known southern part of the island known as Winchmore Hill. Cubans grew and gathered understanding of the world in his many adventures. Economicus was a fitting surname for Cubans following his famous rendition of purchasing power parity on Public Square by Stouffers in Cleveland Ohio. Cubans can speak eloquently for hours about what is happening to the economy in the world and all listening will be none the wiser but impressed by what sounds good. As he explained it to me purchasing power parity or ppp is all about equality for women. His philosophy is that if you give all the money in a family to the woman ie...purchasing power...then they have parity and he is happy. He learnt this from the womenfolk of Hackney and to this day has followed the practice of giving all he gains to the women around him. Never quite having enough the womenfolk also advised that an easy way to more money was through laundering. Cubans was on to this in a flash and was soon seen regularly laundering as often as he could find the time.

He landered and laundered as he had been taught and then hung up the resulting items to dry. Somehow the more he did the more he was given but he noticed also the more he did the happier were his womenfold and louder laughed his Greek friends. He was never happier than when his Greek friends were laughing and his womenfolk were happy.

Purchasing Power Parity took off as Cubans took his theories off to Greece. Further sophistication arose by not only by all men giving all their wealth to the womenfolk but also by claiming tax relief on the unpaid tax. This enabled people to work shorter hours, take longer holidays, build bigger town halls and spend more time at their holiday homes abroad. Cubans was indeed a proud Economicus. The Greek men were laughing again and the womenfolk had never been happier. Cubans for his part spent more time watching his beloved football. Being born near Tottenham Hotspur and full of love and passion for his roots there was only one obvious choice of team for him. He thought about Istanbul and Turkey and sought some way of establishing relationships with this old and hated enemy. He thought there must be a team about as far away as can be from where he was born and with which he could have no obvious link at all. It would be tough to overcome his natural love for his beloved Spurs but as he had rejected Hackney and England as a spiritual home he could do the same with his scarf waving time. He looked to the top of the old First Division and saw a side that usually won and thought that is the one for me. 'I have always wanted to be a Liverpool fan' he declared 'for me the perfect life would be the life of a scouser.....or a Greek...or a Cypriot....or...hmmm'. He now has some regrets he will share with nobody as he realises that for most of his life he should have been a United fan which, being much closer to Hackney, would have had much more logic to it.

Being articulate and smart he quickly developed essential skills required to be a Liverpool fan. First he had to make a visit to the hated Istanbul and live through a half of hell as his team looked set to be thrashed in a most inglorious way. But as his sons will tell you he was a happy man at half time confidently espousing the greatness of his team and promising victory before the full time whistle is blown. Turkey reconciled there was the matter of exit from the Champions League on a regular basis as United continued to compete the finals year after year. The first step was to forget there had been a football match whenever there was a defeat. This meant many forgotten Thursday evenings and Sunday afternoons as Europa League became the Anfield fare. Now even those heady days have gone he proudly tells all 'we are the only team still in all the competitions we have entered.' Some will know that despite telling all he loves King Kenny and is a scouser through and through he goes to White Hart Lane more times each season than to Anfield. In fact we caught him recently just after Spurs had scored to go several points further ahead of Liverpool in the Premier League.

There is a tale to tell when this Englishman from Hackney near Tottenham who is Greek or Cypriot meets an Ozzie who married a Woga Wogan and gave claims to Greek blood. As they say every picture tells a story.

What more is there to tell for now but that Cubans womenfolk are happy, his Greek friends laugh a lot when he is around and the Greek economy continues to prosper under PPP.